Pride,the Gospel ,and Going Decaf

I like espressos. I usually get a double espresso with about an equal amount of hot water. To be really honest I like the taste but I usually drink one of those when I need a pick up. It is best in the afternoon when I am dragging a little. The effect is pretty immediate and amazing. I feel more alert and I'm no longer fuzzy around the edges if you know what I mean. Some people talk about a caffeine crash when the coffee wears off but I really don't feel that. I haven't found any really bad side effects so far. If you know of some...keep them to yourself. I think I have found the spiritual equivalent to espresso shots. There have been times lately when I really feel like I am dragging. The thing in my life that acts like a double shot of espresso in picking me up is...pride. Don't you wish I had found something better? This is a real kicker for me because I have been learning so much about the Gospel. As the Gospel goes deep it really messes up patterns especially when those patterns have any pride in them at all. When I pull up to the church in the morning and my car is the first one in the parking lot it always gives me a little lift. I kind of hurry inside cause if people pull up and I am already inside they don't know how long I have been in there working my little fingers to the bone. When I am tired and have an appointment in the evening the thing that can get me through is thinking of what a great pastor I must be to be the first one in the parking lot and come back at night. I like the taste of pride...a lot. It is strong and I really don't need a huge amount to get me through. But the Gospel is changing me. The Gospel is the good news that I am not judged on my performance but that Jesus has done everything for me. Eventually that is going to make me more alive than ever and more like a man in love than I am right now. But for now, the Gospel means that I have switched to decaf. It's hard for me to get the old pride to work like it did. So, this afternoon, I raise my mug to the One who died for me and thank Him for all that He has done including taking off the juice.